The Year of the Boiled Bunion

You know what really boils my bunion?*

No, it’s not that the Seahawks are frontrunners for the “NFL Underachievers of the Year” award. Nor is it that the Mariners have apparently been hibernating peacefully while all the desirable free agents in baseball are being gobbled up. Nor is it that, as of this writing, Dino Rossi and Christine Gregoire are still sniping for votes as the various and sundry recounts by machine, hand, foot, abacus and finger (do the thumbs count?), when all Washingtonians know very well who would best serve the state for the next four years: Gary Locke.

No, what really boils my bunion** is that the good citizens of Whatcom County insist upon equating construction with growth. As in, “Say, have you seen that new housing tract up on Alabama Hill (or off of Bakerview, or out in Birch Bay or just about anywhere else in the county)? Wow, Whatcom County sure is growing!”

Well, if by growing you mean getting fatter (a subject this reporter knows a little something about), then yes. Whatcom County is sprouting an ass and hips the size of Texas.

But if you mean progressing…well then, not so much. Whatcom County is skinny as a supermodel when it comes to progress.

Every time a new greenway, park or trail is proposed, we environmental progressives shout with glee. But no sooner has the last echoed “Yippee!” died away than some deep-pockets developer proposes to build a gazillion-unit residential monstrosity surrounding that new greenway, park or trail. Oh, of course said developer will grudgingly “scale back” the monstrosity to a trillion-unit horror and vow to protect various wetlands and public access-ways (based on complaints raised by those doggone pesky “Not In My Back Yard” neighbors). But the tract of wedged-in houses and/or clumped-up condos will be built.

Why?

Who is buying these prefab budget-busters at $300,000 a pop? Who can afford them? And, most puzzling of all, where are they coming from?

Last time I checked, the average family income for Whatcom County was, well lemme see…begin with one seasonal construction job, add a Wal-Mart income, subtract benefits, carry the six, divide by pi…average family income equals…NVFM (Not Very Freakin’ Much). In short, our flimsy construction-fueled, retail-based economy will not sustain this alleged “growth.”

So why does this “housing boom” continue, when it is unsupported by any sense of economic reality? Because development is not based on reality. Development is based on the fantasy that if you keep building, you keep growing. It’s the same fantasy that some of us subscribe to when we rationalize that Big Macs, Whoppers and DQ Blizzards are real food, therefore they help us grow.

So, when we think of purchasing the former Georgia-Pacific property, the knee-jerk response is, “Oh, gotta build some housing there to go along with all that nice waterfront land.” It’s just another lame version of, “Oh, I better get some fries with that veggie burger.”

And, no doubt, when the fight to preserve Blanchard Mountain from the dastardly logging companies comes to a head, there’ll be a similar “compromise” proposed: Sure, we’ll save Blanchard for scenic and recreational activities. A nice trail here, a picturesque park there, an interpretive forest over there…and all we ask is to build a small group of 10 or 12 (scaled back from 20, of course) $500,000 homes in a prime spot of the pristine wilderness.

“Hey, can I get a large strawberry shake with that salad?”

And so it goes, as Whatcom County, Washington, devolves into another bloated version of Orange County, California. I know this is difficult to believe, but there used to be trees in Orange County, too.

You know what? This month’s column is eerily reminiscent of last month’s column. Last month I bemoaned the fate of us progressives who sell out to the mainstream Democratic Party (whatever that is) only to lose out to the Republican Religious Wrong. We sell out our ideals in order to give up our rights. Just so, we environmentalists sell out to supposedly enlightened local government officials only to be swept aside by the developers and their million-dollar minions. We let whole forests slip away in order to save one tree.

Might there be a pattern here? Are we on the Left simply too timid and peace-loving to stand up and speak for our vision, to fight for our rights? The people of this county are being bulldozed and chainsawed just as much as the farmland and forests, my friends.

And that really boils my bunion.***

*A linguistic phrase, coined first here in this very column, which will soon become common parlance.

**See? I told you so.

***Oh yes. Now it’s a trend.

To contact Matthew, add spice to this casserole, or to order his new book, “Original Recipes” (it’s a “best-of” collection of columns from 1985 to 1995, not a cookbook!), please write to P.O. Box 28983, Bellingham, WA 98228; or email mdthuney@email.msn.com. §