El Camino al Infierno

There’s a reason I always wait until the last minute prior to deadline before finishing and/or starting these alleged columns of mine. And if you just give me a few more seconds, I’ll figure out what that reason is.

No, but seriously folks…

It’s not that I’m a procrastinator by nature. I just like to put things off. Because, honestly, you can stumble across the most amazing things in that darkest, most clueless, blank-pagiest hour before the deadline dawn. At least, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

This reporter was just about to plant himself in front of his keyboard and monitor to complete this column (right after pouring myself a glass of Pinot Noir, watching those essential reruns of “Friends,” pouring myself another glass of Pinot Noir, eating dinner, becoming enthralled by a special program regarding Nikola Tesla, pouring myself a goblet of Pinot Noir, reading a few chapters of “The DaVinci Code,” pouring myself a tankard of Pinot Noir, taking in a biography of “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling, discovering that the Pinot Noir had magically disappeared, and deciding it was time for bed), when I stumbled across a remarkable thing.

It was an article in The Bellingham Herald. The remarkable thing was not that it was apparently bereft of typos, but that it described one of the most bizarre and insidious development schemes ever to offend this reporter’s eyesight.

Having bade farewell to Ms. Rowling, I heaved myself up from my recliner only to spy a photo of Everybody’s Store owner, East County activist, and all-around good guy Jeff Margolis gazing wistfully o’er his beloved garden. The photo graced the front page of The Herald, underneath a headline which read, “Utility, transit corridor studied…Plan would send cars, trains and power lines along Highway 9.”

My jaw dropped as my bleary eyes shifted to the accompanying map of the proposed route, which depicted a blood-red gash winding its way from Sumas southward along the bucolic path of Highway 9. Basically, an open wound up to 710 feet wide would be carved from the Canadian border all the way down to Lewis County. This wound would play host to a festering gob of concrete, railroad tracks, pipelines and power lines.

My first thought was, this is a joke, right? Then I remembered that was my first thought when a shopping mall was proposed for Bellingham, spelling the death of downtown. I became sore afraid. Whenever you see a so-called “proposal” accompanied by maps, charts, comments by legislators and the foreboding phrase “privately financed,” you can pretty much rest assured that it’s a done deal.

Well, my friends, we’d better make sure that this “proposal” gets un-done real fast.

Some folks, like Sumas Mayor Bob Bromley, support the idea of ramming this “commercial corridor” through the pristine foothills region. Good for the economy, right?

Wrong! Apart from the initial construction work, it’s unlikely that this monstrous I-5 clone would have any long-term positive economic effect whatsoever. To the chagrin of those developers and speculators who drool over the prospect of opening up the Mt. Baker region to rampant building and paving, this “privately financed” plan provides for only one exit from “Mini-5” per county. That adds up to a mere four gas stations and strip mall complete with McDonald’s, Denny’s and/or Shakey’s Pizza per county. Oh, and of course a few condos and apartment complexes to house the additional minimum wage workers.

And dare we speak of the minor environmental inconveniences posed by such rape of our rural rivers, farmland, forests and towns? A freeway/railway/pipeline/energy corridor gouging through the rolling hills and valleys of eastern Whatcom County? A glaring conduit of commerce raging past schools, homes, corner stores, churches? Is this a joke? No, someone is deadly serious about this horrific plan.

But who is behind this? And why?

We’ll soon find out.

If we don’t put a stop to unrestrained commercialism in Whatcom County right now, there’s no turning back.

Some day, not far from now, a “drive in the country” may mean a drive from the country. Perhaps a cruise up “Mini-5” into Canada. They still have some unspoiled countryside.

For now…

Well, at least there’ll be plenty of gas, burgers, pizza and chicken-fried steak along this particular “privately financed” road to perdition.

Where’s that bottle of Merlot I’ve been saving for the End Times… §

To learn more about this feasibility study, see http://www.wsdot.wa.gov/freight/CommerceCorridorFeasStudy.htm.

To contact Matthew, add spice to this casserole, or request Free Samples from his upcoming book, “Original Recipes: Ten Years of Tasty Columns from ‘Thuney Casserole’ and Other Early Entrees,” please write to P.O. Box 28983, Bellingham, WA 98228; or email mdthuney@email.msn.com.