Baccalaureate 2004

Well, that’s odd. Being a bit of a linguist, I’d always hoped that the term “baccalaureate” referred to a combination of heady drink (from the God Bacchus, Lord of the Holy Vine), and a lowly shrub (whose shining leaves were often woven into crowns). Hence, the idea (in this reporter’s addled mind at least) of the “baccalaureate” at a graduation speech being the crowning of the graduates in their academic pilgrimage.

But no!

According to Webster’s, the term stems from a young nobleman’s desire to seek knighthood.

Hmmm…so this year’s graduating class—whether from high school, technical school, community college, university or “hard knocks”—is either relishing their crowning achievement or seeking greater glory. Probably, let us hope, both.

Don’t stop now, Class of 2004, for there is much to be done. Wear your graduation crowns proudly as you don your armor, seize your weapons and mount your steeds.

God (dess) speed, and victory to you!

Meanwhile, let’s take a look at the yearbook for the Class of ’04…

Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich is wondering why a Canadian company has been allowed to dump crap like lead, zinc, copper, mercury, arsenic and cadmium into the Columbia River for roughly one hundred years. Congressman Kucinich would like to see this company, Teck Cominco, held responsible by the United States Environmental Protection Agency for its pollution of an essential source of fisheries and irrigation.

Which will be the “Least Likely to Succeed:” Dennis Kucinich (who has spoken the truth and been marginalized by the mainstream media since the beginning of the presidential campaign) or Teck Cominco (which no doubt boasts many greasy corporate supporters to protect its continued dumping of smelting slag)?

Perhaps you will decide, O Crusading Graduates.

If we’re going to continue promoting Bellingham as a tourist destination, then Victoria-San Juan Cruises has the right idea. They’re planning on running a water taxi from Fairhaven’s Bellingham Cruise Terminal to Squalicum Harbor during weekends this summer. It’ll be both instructional (as in a guided tour) and fun (well, it is after all a boat ride). And it won’t cost much (as in about twelve bucks round trip). Yours truly might even partake of this local aquatic adventure. One question: is there an open bar? Most likely not. But plenty of pubs on either end of the voyage. Arrrrggh! Avast, ye turistas!

The Lake Whatcom Stewardship Association. These folks insist that it’s good for Lake Whatcom, the source of much of Bellingham’s drinking water, to be a boater’s paradise. Sail boats? Paddle boats? Kayaks? Canoes? Sure, no problem. But motorized vessels? Gasoline and diesel powered vessels? Zooming and spewing over the top of our water supply? This is a good thing?

Now, as a true conservative (yes to individual liberties and public protection; no to the imposition of beliefs and practices), I support the long-established privilege of boating on Lake Whatcom. While it’s blatantly obvious that Petroleum Products + Water = Pollution, I’m not convinced that the scientific facts demand a complete, immediate removal of motorized vessels from Lake Whatcom.

On the other hand… While we’re protecting the privileges of those who purchased property on the lake to use it as they understood they should be able to, we ought to seek further protection of our drinking water.

Therefore…I propose this: If you want to use a motorized vessel on Lake Whatcom, you must purchase an annual sticker to put on your boat. If you’re caught on Lake Whatcom without said sticker, you’ll be heavily fined. The proceeds from this “user fee” will go toward purchasing land in the Lake Whatcom watershed, studying the effects of fossil fuels upon the lake, and more refined filtration techniques for our drinking water.

That said, I now nominate…

Sharon Crozier, for Class Valedictorian. As spearhead of the Boats Off! Campaign, Sharon had the guts to bring this debate regarding our drinking water to the fore, had the guts to run for mayor of Bellingham and continues to have the guts to stand up for Lake Whatcom. Sharon and I may not see eye to eye on this issue, but from one baccalaureate knight errant to another, I say “Congratulations on a fight well fought!”

May you, O Graduates of 2004, find such a cause for which to fight so valiantly. May you gloriously seek the skies, while passionately embracing Mother Earth. May you reach out to your dreams while holding dear your past. May you never forget your family, friends, community or yourself.

Class of 2004, you stand before us crowned with our love, armed with your knowledge and anxious for adventure.

Ride forth from the castle; become knights of the future. §

To contact Matthew, add spice to this casserole or request Free Samples from his upcoming book, “Original Recipes: Ten Years of Tasty Columns from ‘Thuney Casserole’ and Other Early Entrees” please write to P.O. Box 28983, Bellingham, WA 98228; or email mdthuney@email.msn.com.