The Crazy Chain

We feed our cattle the blood of diseased cows, then wonder how our food chain becomes contaminated.

Who is madder, the bovine with the infected brain, or the human herd that infects the cow and then eats it?

As a meat-eater, I will confess to being slightly mad. But mostly, I’m just pissed off.

Will the real mad cow please stand up?

Here we Americans are, milling around, sniffing poisoned air, chomping on polluted grass, and moo-ing like we know exactly who we are, what to do and where to go. After all, we’ve been formally instructed by the most forgiving priests in their lovely robes and starched white collars, the most commanding authorities in their crisp blue suits and bold red ties, and the humblest women behind their dark veils of obsequious obedience: “Follow the herd, don’t trust yourself, put your faith in us.”

Through every fault of our own, we are assailed both externally and internally.

So which do we trust: our poisoned bodies or our poisoned minds?

Will our herd, er, I mean, civilization be brought down by a conspiracy of cattle grazing behind the grassy knoll? Or a lone calf lurking in a Canadian barnyard? What’s next in the infection of our food chain? Well, dear reader(s), some possibilities might include…

Atlantic salmon farmed right here in our own back yard (er, back Sound) appear to be spreading strange diseases to our native fish population. We sold our soul through over-fishing and pollution. As a result, are we now on the verge of buying the farm?

China reports a bizarre flu virus spreading through its poultry. It is said that whole flocks of chickens are being summarily put to death, like so many unnecessary human rights activists.

And finally…

The seeds of national insanity have indeed already been sewn.

Do you ever read the headlines or watch the daily news and think, “Holy crap, what now?” Or you hear about some local cataclysm or indiscretion and wonder, “What the hell was that idiot thinking?” Or gaze into the eyes of a well meaning but self-righteous neighbor or family member and exclaim, “Jesus, the Pod People are here!”

Well, may I take a moment to sadly congratulate you by saying, “Your utmost fears and vilest intuitions are correct—the world has gone completely crazy!”

Yes indeed, these times are touched. The great empire inflames its people with the notion of constant warfare. Patriotic to a fault, the imperial citizenry gradually lets its civil liberties slip away in the name of national security. Always on alert, ever watched, never free, we rush from one crisis to another, propping up the “economy” (i.e. the puppet masters behind this whole charade) with our incessant consumption, never pausing to wonder who the hell we’re fighting or why the hell we’re fighting them.

Never stopping to think a rational thought. “Gosh,” we wonder naively as we amble through the shopping mall, credit card(s) clutched in our clammy paws, “How come other folks hate us so much?”

We barge through Wal-Mart, with its cheap clothes made in Indonesia (by underpaid laborers), its cheap office supplies made in China (by underpaid laborers) and its cheap electronics made God-Knows-Where (by underpaid laborers). We wheel our cartful of consumption to the checkout counter (manned by underpaid American laborers with little or no benefits), slide further into debt, waddle our fat asses out the door, and gaze with pride at the ragged replicas of Old Glory sagging limply from the antennas of our gas-guzzling SUVs.

How come other folks hate America so much? Maybe because we’ve become a nation of plump, stupid, careless mad cows?

Hey, Mr. Orwell? Turns out you weren’t wrong—just off by 20 years!

Who cares? Whatever. Meanwhile, gimme a double cheeseburger and fries with a chocolate shake. Yeah, super-size it. You take VISA, doncha?

So how do we combat this national infection? Fight fire with fire (or madness with Madness), via delirious doorbelling, crazed caucusing and batty balloting.

Get involved. Meet and talk to your neighbors. Discuss what’s going on. Attend your local primary election caucus. Listen and, if so moved, speak your mind. Don’t be intimidated. Vote. Run for office.

Know the facts. Don’t eat the blood-laced infectious soup fed you by the robes, suits and veils. Feed your own head. Learn the truth.

Regain your freedom.

Stop the madness.

Humanize the herd. §